Impostor syndrome is that creeping, heart-sinking sensation of being out of your depth. “The subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one's abilities and accomplishments compared with others, despite evidence to suggest the contrary".
According to wikipedia - “Those who have it may doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments. They may have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as frauds. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon do not believe they deserve their success or luck. They may think that they are deceiving others because they feel as if they are not as intelligent as they outwardly portray themselves to be.”
Without being genderist or whatever the term is, most men and women who interview both men and women tend to arrive at the same conclusion. That it’s innate, or possibly conditioned, for men to make the most of themselves to the point of exaggerating their abilities, while, by and large, women typically play down their achievements. It’s just about possible that this is a clever ruse, I suppose, in that the interviewer will apply a weighting based on this knowledge to the candidates’ answers. But I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.
I think impostor syndrome does exist, but in my experience, as a white older, probably privileged, certainly middle-class male, the sense of queasy nervousness I experienced at work was justified by the hard data. I always dreaded the subject getting round to quantitative analysis, for example, because I knew other people in the office were miles ahead of me on that stuff. There were just some things I was bad at. This had been proved to me by my experience in my first job where I’d clearly been the laggard in the class. So, for me anyway, it was not a case of “evidence to the contrary”.
Of course, people have insecurities about all manner of things, not just work stuff. Their body, their educational attainments, their class, their looks, etc etc. It’s always seemed to me that people who don’t worry about their looks, say, can’t understand why anyone else does. “Just be yourself”, they say. “Anything but that”, replies the wallflower.
Back to wikipedia: “Impostor syndrome is not a recognized psychiatric disorder and is not featured in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual nor is it listed as a diagnosis in the International Classification of Diseases, Tenth Revision.
Still exists though. This is an episode dedicated to everyone struggling to come to terms with who they are, in whatever form that might take.
Tracklist:
My anatomy, Winksy
I know I’m not easy to like, Pip Blom
I want to be you, Lime Garden
I think about it all the time, Charli XCX
I was more of a mess then, Comet Gain
Falling apart, Slow Pulp
But not kiss, Faye Webster
Good feeling, Violent Femmes
Creative jealousy, Honeyglaze
No easy way out, Emma Kupa
Angst, Jockstrap
In your house, The Cure
Always trying to work it out, Low
Sour times, Portishead
Fear, Armlock
A shitty gay song about you, Ezra Williams