Horses are somewhat paradoxical. On the one hand, going into a mediaeval battle with cavalry superiority almost guaranteed a win. If William the Conqueror hadn’t bought all those horses over the channel in 1066, the entire history of England, France, even the world, might have been different. They’re majestic animals in fiction – Shadowfax, Black Beauty, four of them in the Apocalypse gang (fairly certain they’re fictional); and legendary subjects of film and book – ‘Warhorse’, ‘Phar Lap’, ‘Equus’. There’s ‘All the Pretty Horses’ by Cormac McCarthy which they turned into a film. On the page, however, I strongly disliked it, unlike the rest of my book group.
But skittish flight animals. Liable to bolt. Nervous and highly strung. Needing blinkers.
My son Scott was once bitten by a horse and has never seen eye to eye with them since (For my wife the same thing happened when young, but this time with a goat.) And personally, I don’t really get on with our equestrian friends. I’ve only been on one twice. The second time – near Loch Ness – the leader of our little expedition shouted at me “Ian, that horse is doing what it wants with you.” I thought, be my guest: you clearly know the terrain far better than me. What have I got to offer but some misplaced species superiority?
Horses are quite a big deal in Melbourne, where I reside. On the first Tuesday in November the Melbourne Cup takes place. Recently Victorians have been granted a day’s public holiday to celebrate the event. But in the last year or two a cloud has been cast over the event on account of animal cruelty. Times change. Well, it was always rather cruel to horses, but we’ve just woken up to the fact.
Revenons a nos moutons, as the French say. Let us return to our sheep. Or, in this case, chevals.
It was quite straightforward to assemble a cracking list of horse-related tracks. There’s been a mini-explosion of equine bands of late – Horse Jumper of Love, Feeble Little Horse and Horsegirl, who I recently saw perform admirably well at the Scala in London. Throw in some equestrian-themed lyrics – such as Chrs Pckhm by The New Cut and Two Horses by Black Country New Road, and there’s the backbone of a great episode, coupled with stalwarts such as Crazy Horse and Sparklehorse. No room for Beck’s Farewell Ride or Stop the Cavalry by Jonah Lewie (perhaps mercifully).
So, giddy up and listen in.
